Empathy

To empathize is to put yourself in another person's place and understand their suffering, their longing, and even their mistakes.

When we see someone ill, we politely show concern by asking after them and looking after them a little. But we do not understand how the illness torments them. We see a grimace or a gloomy face and conclude they are uncomfortable. We cannot feel how sharp the pain is. Only if we are very perceptive, very intuitive and very good at putting ourselves in their place can we sense how much they are suffering.

Or we sit listening to a wife complain that her husband will not give up cigarettes, which harms his health and the air in the house. She is not wrong. But put yourself in the husband's place and you feel how fiercely the addiction torments him, and how his unfulfilled ambitions leave him feeling lost.

Or we hear about a thief who broke into a house, was spotted and ran off. We put ourselves in the thief's place to understand his mind: the greed, the recklessness, the influence of bad company, the dead end his life has reached. Then we put ourselves in the homeowner's place to understand the panic, the anger and the fear of being broken into.

Putting ourselves in another's place like this, we understand them better, and sometimes we become more understanding. Sometimes we become more strict.

More sympathetic, because often things are not as they seem. The wrong is there, but it is not as wicked as it looked.

More strict, because we sometimes find the person is far crueler and baser than the pitiful face they show.

We need to practice this kind of empathy to get through life. Life has two sides: the outside differs from the inside, words differ from thoughts, and actions sometimes differ from true nature. We need to understand what is deep in other people's minds to respond more accurately.

When we see someone at fault, we do not rush to blame. When we see someone kind, we do not rush to praise. We need to understand what they really are.

In pain, in a stumble, in a mistake, everyone needs someone to lean on. Even those who are guilty need one person who does not hate them. A monk, bitter at his fellow monks, let his life drift away in the secular world. Then a brother came and showed him affection and trust, and the monk stood up and returned to the monastic life.

To empathize with others we need wisdom, intuition and love. We never rush to condemn anyone, and never rush to hate anyone. Often there is another cause behind the mistake.

For example, when we hear of an old man who abused children, everyone feels hatred and contempt. But if we observe calmly, we will see that his crime came out of something in his youth: he offended a holy being. Once someone has offended a revered figure, the law of cause and effect plants in their mind a seed of wrongdoing.

When the time is right, the seed shows itself as an act. The person commits the crime like a machine that has been programmed. After that, honor and reputation are gone and everyone keeps away.

Or take a university student from a poor family who cannot pay the tuition when it falls due. We can understand the countless distressing thoughts running through their head, even thoughts of suicide. Once we understand what is deep inside a person, we cannot bring ourselves to look away and leave them.

A moral person has a deep capacity to empathize with everyone. With that understanding, we usually find a more constructive way to respond.