Self-respect

Self-respect does not mean respecting yourself, though the phrase sounds that way. Self-respect is not allowing others to look down on you because of your own faults.

For example, a man sits at the table and eats too fast. Everyone stops eating to look at him in discomfort. Someone, unable to bear it, whispers in his ear, "Show some self-respect in how you eat." That means: eat so that people do not despise you for your own fault.

Or someone visits a rich friend. After a short talk the rich friend pulls out a wad of money, throws it in his face and says, "Here, take it." The man has self-respect and firmly refuses a gift made with that kind of contempt.

At bottom, self-respect means not letting others look down on you because of your own faults. If you have done nothing wrong and people still look down on you, let them, and pay no attention. That is the difference.

If we lose heart whenever someone looks down on us, that is not self-respect, it is just a swollen ego. Self-respect is feeling ashamed when others look down on us because of our own fault.

So a person with self-respect guards their character carefully, and gives no cause for contempt. Put fully, self-respect means working to preserve your dignity so you do not lose others' respect.

A self-respecting person also dislikes begging and pleading. They enjoy as much as their merit allows, without needing charity that comes with contempt. This makes self-respecting people look indifferent or defiant. But someone with true self-respect will humbly plead on behalf of others. Not for themselves, but for others they will gladly take the trouble.

If a self-respecting person understands cause and effect, they will work diligently to make merit, so that they are not looked down on for lacking it. If their merit is not yet enough, they endure rather than beg. If their merit is not yet enough, they try to make more rather than do wrong and be despised.

Self-respect also differs from touchiness. Touchiness is getting angry or feeling hurt when insulted. Self-respect does not get angry or feel hurt when insulted. It means holding ourselves to account for any mistake of our own that prompted the insult. A self-respecting person goes cold and stern when insulted, but that is blaming themselves for having been at fault. If they were not at fault and were insulted anyway, that is another case.

So a self-respecting person works on two things: morality and merit. Those who lack merit are looked down on. Those who lack morality are looked down on too.

A truly upright person guards against fault so carefully that even spirits and gods respect them.