Jealousy

A mother takes her daughter's hand and asks:

"I can see you already have two children, so why is Phú still so cold to you?"

The daughter weeps for a moment, then says:

"It's my fault, Mom. You know we married because I got pregnant. The first time we crossed the line, Phú found out I was no longer a virgin. He was furious and wanted to break up, but then I was pregnant. He couldn't bring himself to leave, and his family wanted a grandchild so much. When we learned the baby was a boy, he had to marry me to keep the child. His family celebrated like a festival. But even though we've married and had a second child, he has never gotten over his resentment that I gave myself to someone before him. Boo hoo..."

The mother sighs and says:

"It's my fault for not teaching you carefully. In the old days your grandmother taught me very carefully, every two or three days talking about a woman's chastity and propriety. Hearing it so often, I took it in, and it became a very proper way of life. She always repeated that men are very eager to possess a woman's body, but demand that their own wife be a virgin. That attitude is very unfair, but it is a man's instinct.

If his wife comes to him a virgin, a man is extremely proud, and respects his wife for life. Otherwise, as you know now, the wife has to endure coldness and contempt all her life. Your grandmother taught me so much that I avoided every sweet word men said, and never let myself fall into a situation where a man could easily make his move.

You also know I came to your father out of true love. When people are in love they easily lose their heads and give themselves. But my mother taught me so thoroughly that I always kept a distance from your father until the wedding. That is why he trusted me completely all his life.

But I did not understand that it was precisely because my mother kept teaching me that I had this proper conduct, and I was careless about teaching you in detail. In today's age Western ways have flooded in and influenced our society, and young people like you take chastity lightly and give themselves easily. Men lose nothing, but women lose a whole life. In your case now, how can you ever win back Phú's respect?

Your sorrow for life will be my regret for life."

Men both demand a woman's virginity and are fiercely jealous. They are jealous of the past, the present and even the future. If they find out their wife once had a lover, they are haunted and keep being jealous. If a wife previously had sex with a former boyfriend, the jealousy turns into hatred and contempt. Do not say the West lacks this view. It is natural instinct. Marriages in Western society fall apart easily because of a hidden lack of respect for each other. It goes unsaid, but they unconsciously look down on a lover or wife who has been with someone else.

Jealousy of the present comes from always suspecting that one's wife will stray again easily. Jealousy of the future comes from imagining that someone will seduce her later. A wife who is the object of jealousy feels undervalued and is hurt. But if she is not careful she really does stumble, because there are not many truly faithful people in this world.

A girl who has been carefully taught proper conduct has inner peace, because she has nothing to worry about, nothing to feel hurt about, nothing to be ashamed of. Mothers have a great responsibility toward their daughters, above all to help them through this complicated age.