Do not let the ego deceive us into missing our own mistakes

Usually, the moment someone else so much as “stirs”, before they have even said a word, we see their faults, and our mind readily thinks badly and ill of them. The secret of practice lies here: we often look back at our own mind rather than letting it wander and roam after the objects of the senses. We watch what our mind is thinking, what it is planning, whether it is agitated or still, whether this thought accords with the teachings… But the difficulty is that when we look into our own mind, we see only what is good: we find ourselves admirable in this respect, skilled in that, lovable in another… We habitually praise ourselves, and it is very hard to see our own wrongs and shortcomings, especially the subtle faults.

There is a person who eats vegetarian for ten days a month and recites several long sutras, and feels content, thinking that their merit has surpassed everyone else's. That is a self-satisfied mind, but this person does not see it.

There is a person who wants so much to help others that they wish to be a king, to rule and bestow favours on everyone, and who thinks of themselves as truly kind and lovable! This is not a good heart but ambition. The wish to help others has been deceived by the ego and mixed up with the ambition for power. But the “fatal” thing is that this person does not see it, and even thinks that being like this is good.

We have only one faculty with which to look back at ourselves, and on top of that the ego deceives us so that we keep praising ourselves, which depletes our merit and blocks the way back to wholesome paths, so our path of practice becomes all the harder. A thought arises and we take it to be good, but behind it lies a whole mass of ego, with so many habitual tendencies and fetters, like the huge submerged part of an iceberg, still intact, not yet “chipped” at all. And practice means we must unravel this. We must not let the ego deceive us into praising ourselves forever. We must use the mind faculty to look at our mind more constantly, and no longer let the five senses drag our mind off after outer circumstances. To see what lies behind what seems good — that is the person who knows how to practise.

There is a person who used to see others with multi-storey houses and so worked hard too, hoping to build a multi-storey house as good as their friends'. Later, having learned to turn around and observe their own mind, this person saw that this wish was a mistake and let it go. That is already a little progress. But if they are complacent, they will think themselves good, never realising that they have let go of only that one thought, while the fetter of greed remains entirely intact. And only the noble ones can break this fetter and keep complete purity and coolness.

Or there is a person who sees life as scrambling and treacherous, sees people racing after vain fame and gain, and finds it truly wearying, and so wants to let go of everything and leave home to become a monastic. That is truly good. After ordaining, this person dreams: “I will become an accomplished meditation master, a lecturer travelling along every road, bringing the teachings, peace and happiness to people.” And in their mind they imagine that everyone will welcome them with joy and respect, even that some will bow down before them. It seems good, but they may well be deceived by the ego through the fine words of the path: attaining the Way, meditation master, lecturer on the Dharma seat, respected by all… The ambition has not ended at all; it has only moved from one state to another, from one thought to another. They give up the vain fame of the world only to secretly long for glory within the path.

A true practitioner, however, restrains body and mind and practises diligently so that their virtue grows deeper and thicker and their spirit rises day by day, but all of it is for the sake of the Buddha's teachings and for the benefit of beings. Even the dream of enlightenment is so as to have the ability to teach and help beings escape suffering, without the slightest wish for fame or glory for themselves. However many meritorious deeds they do, they always see themselves as only a speck of dust, as straw and rubbish.

The ego keeps deceiving us, leading us to commit one mistake after another. Remember that being good once does not mean being better, because the deep root of these mistakes, the fetters, remains entirely intact. We must engrave this in our minds and be on guard against ourselves every moment. Practice is eliminating faults one by one, but when one fault is eliminated another grows up, because the root is still there. So what matters is to practise in such a way that we see this root of fetters.

Fetters are the deepest wrongs, belonging to the hidden depths of consciousness. We must pay homage to the Buddha, do a great many deeds of merit in life, sit in meditation with great focus, quiet the mind deeply… and only gradually will we have the wisdom to trace our way to that root. And to see the fetters one must be a deeply accomplished, venerable monk, for it is not at all simple. Only when we see this far are we truly one who knows how to practise, and can be said to “reflect back on oneself, which is one's own duty” — not letting the ego deceive us.

In this world there are many things that seem to be so but are not. When glory, wealth and pleasure come to them, many people take it for happiness, not knowing how many dangers lie hidden inside it. There is a person who wins the lottery and thinks it is luck, never suspecting it is a disaster. Or someone is voted the most beautiful in the world, or the person with the most fans… and thinks it is the utmost happiness, but nothing is certain. For people's hearts fade quickly, and life is fragile and impermanent; we can lose beauty, wealth, position… in a moment. So who is the luckiest person? The one who judges themselves rightly — the key of practice for eliminating clinging to self and ending the suffering of the cycle of rebirth.

However, most of us do not see ourselves rightly. We are bad but think we are good; we are greedy but think we are generous in giving and making offerings; we are full of anger and hatred but think we are chivalrous heroes. We have all been mistaken. Only someone who has practised to the point of nearly attaining sainthood begins to assess themselves accurately, bit by bit, knowing this is anger, that is greed, that is jealousy, narrow-mindedness, affliction… For the rest, as long as we have not attained sainthood, we are still wrong when we look at ourselves. So whenever a thought of praising ourselves arises in the mind, we must know that the ego is deceiving us. That mind opens the way for us to fall into the three evil realms. Therefore let us guard ourselves and be vigilant over every thought that stirs in the mind.