How do we see our faults?

First, repentance

There are faults from the distant past, and wrongs in the present, for which we cannot meet the people we have hurt to apologise to them directly. For these, Buddhism has the practice of bowing to the Buddha in repentance. It is a ritual that combines paying homage to the Buddha with naming our own faults, to express our remorse before the Buddha. The power of repentance is very great: it helps us quickly see even deeply hidden faults from the moment they begin to arise, helps dissolve karma, and helps us avoid wrongdoing in the future.

The Patriarchs taught us to repent even of the karma we have carried from beginningless time, not only of this life. In truth, we cannot remember the mistakes and evil karma we committed in a few, or a few dozen, previous lives. But the Patriarchs were wise, and taught:

All the evil karma I have made in the past

Arose from beginningless greed, anger and delusion,

Born of my body, speech and mind;

All of it I now repent.

That is: “Through countless lifetimes, driven by greed, anger and delusion, my body, speech and mind have made so much evil karma; so today, before the Buddha, I beg to repent of all of it.”

In this general verse of repentance we cannot name a single specific fault. For example, if in a past life we once beat a person to death, that is a very specific fault, yet these four lines do not mention that old offence at all. All we know for certain is that in countless previous lives we committed many faults, and we simply go on repenting of countless faults even though we do not know them. To go on repenting of the countless evil deeds we have done is the practice of repentance that the Patriarchs taught. Repent sincerely, and we will see something wondrous appear.

The first wonder is this: wisdom grows bright and helps us quickly discover our faults. Let us recall the case of the Buddhist who picked up a diamond. He overcame greed, but he did not see his fault of arrogance, and it took him three years of repentance to recognise it. So even before we have made a mistake, we must repent diligently; through this we gain the wisdom to discover the faults we have already committed. As for faults we have not yet committed, we will discover them from the moment they first sprout. Only once we see a fault do we know how to eliminate it and overcome it. Otherwise it is like before: we escape one fault only to be caught in another.

The second wonder is that in the depths of our spirit, sometimes through dreams, the Buddha will bless us: we are shown some of the evil karma of a previous life so that we can focus our repentance and repent precisely. This may sound sacred and mysterious, but it is real.

For example, there was a renunciant who practised diligently and often bowed to the Buddha in repentance. One day the monk dreamed that in an earlier life he had been a general, and in a fit of bloodthirstiness had charged into a village, burning houses and killing people. Of course, before becoming a monk, this person had already paid for that karma in miserable ways, in the realms of hungry ghosts, hell and animals, in states of extreme suffering. But the karma of killing had not yet been fully cleared. Now, thanks to his sincere repentance, the Buddha let him see in a dream the old offence. When he woke, knowing it was a heavy karma of his own, he repented earnestly every day:

“Homage to the Buddha. In past lives I committed the very heavy offence of killing. Because I had a duty to defend my homeland I had to go and fight, but in the heat of my eagerness to win and to fight I could not restrain myself; I swept into the villages, killed people, burned houses and created countless offences. Now, before the Buddha's altar, I sincerely repent of the evil karma of killing, of burning houses, of destruction, and of my bloodthirsty mind. May all the Buddhas, in their compassion and pity, bear witness to my sincere repentance. May all beings love one another, and may no one be caught in this karma of killing as I was.”

By focusing his repentance in this way, digging deep into his main fault, he cut off the leftover karma that was still trailing behind him, and stopped that karma from repeating.

We should remember that karma tends to repeat itself. For example, someone who once stole and then gave up the bad habit is still liable to relapse. In the same way, a person who once had a taste for killing may, even if the mind is calm for a while, repeat the act of killing at some point if they do not repent. Through the power of repentance, and being shown the old fault in a dream by the Buddha so as to focus on repenting it, this monk cleared the fault from his consciousness; for all his lives to come he would never again set foot on the path of warfare, killing and burning houses. Other faults may remain, but that grave fault will not recur. Thus a person who repents sincerely receives the blessing that the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas show them a dream of a previous life so that they can concentrate on repenting some evil karma. That is the second wonder.

There is an old story of two people who took refuge together, who even left home on the same day, with the same master, and did the same meritorious deeds. But one practised until the end of his life, while the other committed some fault and had to stop halfway, abandoning the life of practice. Why? Because one repented day and night of evil karma from beginningless time; so he gained the wisdom to know his faults very quickly, and his bad karma gradually lessened. On the path of practice, he cleared away one fault after another in order to move forward. The other was indifferent to the practice of repentance, so he did not see his faults in a subtle and deep way; faults accumulated little by little, evil karma piled up, until the day a heavy fault struck and pushed him off the path of practice.

Thus, if we do not know our faults, no one can advance in practice. And to know our faults very quickly and clearly, we must repent sincerely and diligently.

I vow to remember always

That past wrongs must be repented with remorse,

So that my heart may be at peace through the years,

Karma lightened, the path of practice less hard...

If we are somewhere without a temple or a Buddha altar, we can turn our face to the sky, turn our mind toward the Buddha and repent, vowing silently: “May all the Buddhas bear witness as I repent the wrongdoing of countless lifetimes...” Just one general sentence like this is enough to make it the practice of repentance. And if there is a solemn Buddha altar at hand, then go and pay homage to the Buddha, and it is best to repent in general and also name each specific fault; we will gain very great merit. The practice of repentance always carries us forward on the path of spiritual training, because it helps us know our faults keenly and deeply.

Second, the practice of meditative concentration

A mind in meditative concentration is a pure inner heart,

A passing cloud that carries no private feeling,

The sun's light, no grey cloud tilting it aside,

All of heaven and earth one realm of stillness...

Without the practice of meditative concentration, we usually have to rely on others to remind us, and on the Buddha's power to bless us, before we see our faults. But when the mind has settled in meditative concentration, although we still need teachers and friends to encourage us and the Buddhas to support us, we have within ourselves the wisdom to discover our faults very quickly, from the moment they first stir.

Thus meditative concentration is both the path that leads to non-self and a sharp sword that destroys every fault in the depths of the mind. We have said that practice is climbing uphill, and that this road is full of thorns, chasms and dust; but with meditative concentration we have a sword to sweep away the obstacles on the road. So once we are disciples of the Buddha and are heading toward the goal of non-self, everyone must strive to practise meditation; whichever Dharma path one follows, meditative concentration is needed.

Of course, gathering the mind in meditative concentration is a very long process; it needs the right method, and it takes the right conditions to meet an excellent teacher who guides us along the right way. Practising wrongly brings a great many unforeseeable consequences. In reality, many people in the world teach meditation and call themselves meditation masters. Although each believes his own way is right, and believes he has attained something that qualifies him to be another's teacher, not everyone teaches in accord with the Buddha's path. Precisely because we do not know which path, which teacher, which Dharma path or technique is the most accurate, let us earnestly pray for the Buddha's blessing: “May I, in life after life, always be born and meet an excellent teacher and good friends who teach me the most accurate meditation method, the one most true to the Buddha's intent, so that in every life I walk the right path.” Thus the Buddha will let us meet the most genuine teacher, who will teach us meditation most accurately.

But even when we have the method, it is not the case that the mind quickly settles at once. This road is extremely hard. Yet with every hour of practice, every day of practice, the wisdom grows brighter. We see that our mind is not yet settled, but in truth inside, wisdom is growing brighter and brighter, which helps us know our faults very quickly, even extremely subtle ones. For example, in the first three years we know the coarse faults; in the next ten years we know finer faults; but only after thirty years do we know the faults that belong to a Bodhisattva. We see through faults that others cannot even imagine, because they are so profound and so systemic, bound up with the Dharma and with the practice of beings. They are very profound faults that a person who does not practise meditation cannot possibly see.

Because there are faults so profound and subtle, no one, no sage, dares to beat his chest and say that he has exhausted all faults. Even with true sages, although they radiate peace and ease and freedom, if we ask:

- Master, with your practice, do you still have faults?

they will answer very honestly:

- I still have many faults, my child.

However, do not measure the heart of a sage with the mind of an ordinary person. Do not suppose that a sage's faults are selfish rivalry, greed, hatred and so on, like those of ordinary beings. To understand sages in that way is to incur a very heavy wrong. Those faults we do not understand; only sages know them. Only when we practise up to sagehood will we see how vast and how terrifying a sage's faults are. So when we speak of faults that belong to a Bodhisattva, we must be extremely careful. Even if such a being admits that he still has many faults, we must understand that the fault he sees is a fault of a sage, of someone with lofty wisdom, of those who walk the Bodhisattva path, not the restless rivalries of ordinary, mediocre people like us.